Are You Ready for Christmas?

People slyly asking each other if they’re ready for Christmas is one of the strangest social interactions out there.

It happened to me this morning as I went through a drive-thru. “Are you all ready for Christmas?” the well-intentioned woman asked me. And I, like the confused sheep I am said, “Yes”, took my change and moved toward window number two.

Which is one way to do it. It’s the best method to politely shut down the conversation before it can really rev into high gear. A high gear which oddly would further enrage the people behind me who are at a stand-still. It was gentle and kind and, although perhaps not as engaging as other options, it met the minimum standard and we both were able to move on with our feelings neither particularly nurtured, nor in any way hurt.

Another way is to do an exaggerated eye-roll, heave a comically despairing sigh and say the equivalent of, “Oh, don’t remind me! I’m always rushing up to the last minute!” whereupon both parties can exchange a sympathetic glance, perhaps a chuckle, and walk away satisfied. The inquisitor smug and well-pleased in how much better organized they are than their fellow man, and the respondent confident that they have fulfilled their role in a delicate seasonal dance; they have created a brief connection with (usually) a stranger by revealing a tiny amount of vulnerability, a slight character flaw, to another human being thereby creating a bond that is made and broken in an instant.

It’s all the satisfaction of an emotionally intimate relationship wound into a few seconds and then released into the ether with no accompanying feelings of loss. It’s a little shot of Christmas dopamine cheer during a time of considerable stress, worry and busyness which often and ironically has the effect of disconnecting people from each other.

The third way to tackle the “Are you ready for Christmas” question is to break into a bold laugh and gleefully explain how you always leave everything to the last minute and run around like crazy on Christmas Eve.

This is the worst response.

If people like this individual where in charge, we would live in a world of chaos. Social programs would crumble. The economy would be non-existent. There would be anarchy as infrastructure collapsed under the control of deranged gangs possessed by dangerous devil-may-care demons who render them unable to even organize the procurement of a few supplies for an event they know is going to happen at the same time every year. Worse yet, they embrace their debilitating affliction with a wanton acceptance. They are insane members (barely) of society who know they’re insane and actively celebrate, and perpetuate their instability.

But what was the woman at the drive-thru actually asking? Was she genuinely concerned about my ability to provide sustenance and (one might hope) some gifts as a physical manifestation of the love I feel for family and friends?

Or was she in fact asking, “Are you a functioning member of society who can use past experiences to predict future events? Are you capable, upon recognizing them, of coming to terms with those eventualities, regardless of their outcome, and of reacting in a way that not only allows you to merge your behaviour seamlessly with those around you, but also enables you to contribute in a beneficial way to the greater good, no matter what pre-destined outcomes await?”

Was she asking me at 8:30 this morning, “Are you ready for Christmas? Are you ready for death?”