Today after work I was playing a game with myself (and before any perves out there start, this was AFTER I had beaten off, and I did it tastefully into the cat’s litter box, so you gross freaks can fack off!) wherein I was trying to see how many guitar riffs I knew. After I’d gotten through the usual suspects—‘Ruff Ryders Anthem’, ‘What if God Was One of Us ’, ‘Wannabe’, etc—I naturally began scraping the bottom of the barrel, getting into less familiar territory—‘American Jesus’, ‘Minor Threat’, ‘Stickin’ In My Eye’, etc—until finally I came to an obscure title: Pennywise’s ‘Bro Hymn’.
Digression Alert!!
To me, ‘Bro Hymn’ is exactly what the title suggests: a song of hope and promise, an affirmation of the true meanings of friendship while also having a tinge of bitterness and anger that the subject of the song wasn’t able to see and feel those meanings as the singer expresses frustration and disbelief that that were even possible. It is without a doubt, some damn fine song-writing thanks to moving lyrics and a frustration-fuelled, chorus that is catchy as hell while also saying a helluva lot more, a helluva lot clearer than the shitty ending of Point Break (“Ever fired your gun up in the air whilst shouting, ‘Aaarggh!’?” …look it up). But it also is a song that could never exist today. Well, it could (and in fact does) but never with that title. It was born in an era not too long ago when the word “bro” was part of a world that could hardly be further from the one it resides in now. I’m not sure I know exactly what I’m trying to say about the hijacking of the word “bro” other than that I know that when Jim wrote ‘Bro Hymn’ his mind was nowhere near the likes of The Situation. Huh, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway…
Digression Alert Lifted!!
So I’m going through all the songs I know, making reverent nods to ‘Genie in a Bottle’, ‘Country Grammar’ and ‘Boom Boom Pow’, when I finally make my plucky way to ‘Bro Hymn’. This, of course, reminds me of two things: 1) My cat is the shittiest back-up singer ever, and 2) Fat Mike, at least in the past, has seemed to enjoy getting drunk.
This, of course, reminds me of two auxiliary things: 1)a) Expertise with the clarinet, oboe and most other woodwinds (while impressive) does not make up for shitty back-up singing and if this keeps up, she’s out of the band, and 2)a) Fat Mike, at least in the past, has seemed to enjoy getting drunk and crashing Pennywise’s set.
Because I’m lazy, I won’t provide a link to any of the numerous videos that show his crashing, or the related videos of Fletcher doing likewise to NOFX, but I will provide a quick snapshot of what typically occurred in those videos and, I presume, in real life to this day:
Int. or Ext. – Night
Pennywise begins the end of their set by playing ‘Bro Hymn’.
Cut to:
Mike stumbling onto the already crowded stage, grabbing a microphone and, with the accompaniment of that well-known intro, singing “Atom Bommmmbbbb!!! TNT!!”
As we all know, this is not just youthful hijinx fuelled by the responsible and minimalist consumption of a small glass of pinot grigio with his porterhouse at dinner. This is also a satirical comment of the fact that the chord progression of ‘Bro Hymn’ is remarkably similar to that of the song ‘Atom Bomb’ by well-known neo-classical jazz quartet Social Distortion which in turn brings me in my typical brief and pointed way to the subject of today’s post: musical rip-offs.
Remember a few years ago (or months. I have no concept of time looking backwards.) when Coldplay put out that song called _____ (I’ll be honest, I can’t remember what it was called) and many haters of Coldplay/conspiracy theorists/anyone with access to an internet connection said, “Yo, man... that shit is surprisingly similar to that song by Joe Satriani entitled _____ (see previous parenthetical note). What’s with that? Coldplay sucks!!” Sure you remember. Some of you very likely opened a youtube account specifically so that you could find a video of the song _____ and reply to those haters/theorists/fellow internet users with something akin to, “Yeah! Fuck Coldplay!”
Well guess who else has been ripped off… Papa Roach’s ‘Between Angels and Insects’ vs. Iron Maiden’s ‘Prowler’; Tom Delonge’s ‘Anthem Part II’ vs. Tom Delonge’s ‘Everything’s Magic’; John Lennon's '_____’ vs _____’s ‘______ on a dog while you ____ twins with ______ no handcuffs needed because they’re ____’.
Admittedly, that last song was pretty cheesy and clearly was just a label request so they’d get on Seacrest.
But let me say this, kids: What do you expect?
A guitar is a finite thing. If you are aroused sexually in any way by probability and square roots (and who isn’t am I right? …Guys? …Guys? …Am I right?) then you have to accept the fact that eventually, we will run out of combinations as far as chords go. And if you choose to stick to purely the major and minor scales (and since I have very little technical terminology, I’ll just say that to assume that you’re not dipping into those crazily awesome Asian scales and melodies) you have even fewer. This means that eventually we’re going to run out of original melodies/arrangements/chord progressions/beat-able pornography.
But here’s where my point comes in to play (in my typical brief/nail-on-the-head way). No one is complaining that ‘Bro Hymn’ has a similar chord structure to ‘Atom Bomb’. You’ll find tons of examples of how Coldplay has shit themselves into a coffin of scatty crap in which they must be buried in a turd crypt because they borrowed some material from Satriani (if you believe that to be the case; lor’ knows I ain’t trying to sway you one way or the other) but no one says a peep to Pennywise. It’s obvious that even Fat Mike doesn’t believe it. And you know why? Because the words are good, folks.
Those fucking lyrics in both songs are what people hold onto. Eg. “If you die, I die. That’s the way it is.” I mean, goddamn, ladies and gentlemen. Gaw’damn! That just goes to show that the further we advance into the further, the fewer options will be at our contemporary musical disposal to venture into unheard territory. But you know what makes it kinda fun? Words haven’t caught up with music. We’ve got way more combinations of words than we do with the standard-tuning, major/minor mindset of the guitar. So how about you stop bitching about when a band borrows a couple notes from someone else, whether intentionally or not, and start paying a little more attention to the words. After all, if music was only worthwhile on its instrumental merit, Mozart would be kicking the shit out of Kesha (fuck that dollar sign).
Although, “Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat/ just show me where your dick’s at” is pretty compelling stuff…
- Neil
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